Bit off more than I could chew ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s ~2:40 AM and the only line that’s racing in my head over and over again is “Please, Time! Pause, just Pause.... Forever”. Although our car is moving at a fair speed I sensed an utter silence while my right hand’s in my mom’s arm, my left in my dad’s. There are quietness and nothing, yes, nothing, my lips didn’t dare to open even a bit, my eyes wide open but denied responding to the silvery moon that’s dotted on the dark blue night sky, never mind, my hands didn’t bother to even feel my parents touch! I was affectless and however, every passing second terrified me that we are getting more nearer to the airport!
Yes, WE are on our way to the airport, and YES, I am on my way to the USA, although it’s my decision to leave my parents, when the weeks, days, hours, and minutes approached, I became more and more doubtful about my decision. I was clueless about what I decided for my coming years. Gradually, I failed to express my feelings even during situations that would normally be expected to engage the emotions, I believe the medical term given to this is blunted affect, lol.
No sooner we reached the airport, I sensed my amygdala alerting my nervous system to set my fears into motion, however, my stubborn limbic system refused to mind about it. As we walked I saw passengers with their luggage and families, a few seemed smiling, while a few stressful. Whoooosh, there are so many people standing in line at the ticket counter checking in their luggage, while a few standing at the baggage claim waiting to retrieve their luggage, in a flash of a second my eyes roamed on to the people that are at the restaurants inside the terminal and I promptly labeled them RICH! Well, upon hastily scanning the airport and completing the check-in formalities, I stayed with my family, I knew that I’m left with a few minutes before I leave, I still refused to acknowledge my emotions, absolutely unintentional.
Oopsie, the moment has come, I was all set to leave and said bye to my mom-dad as though I’m just leaving for a day, there you go, I realized my dad holding my fingers tight, refusing to leave, with tears rolling, FULL STOP, NO COMMENTS even now after 2.5 years, lol. However, the mixed me replied saying that everything will be alright! And proceeded with my boarding.
After almost an hour, I saw an airplane so close, the buzzing sound that fascinated me from the ground now belonged to me. The minute I walked in I saw a pretty inviting smile that immediately showed great energy and a glow, with a low tone she asked if I needed help. Well, she’s the 1st air hostess that I met and has an equal proportion of charm and politeness. In a few minutes, I settled in my seat and noticed that my mobile is already flooded with messages from my cousin & my friend who are with my parents at the entrance, demanding my selfie, saying cheeeese :) yep, sent :)
Mine’s a three-seater -- me onto the left, a girl, her father onto the right -- soon the plane took off -- the sun was just rising -- lovely sight -- turbulence made me repeatedly chew a gum -- I do not know when I fell asleep -- after an hour's flight it's mealtime -- right side is already served -- the girl and her father began their meal -- overhearing all these while my eyes still closed.
Plot: The girl refused to eat while her dad pampering her to eat.
All of a sudden, a nameless dread engulfed me while a fresh terror reared up within my entire body. Before I realized that fear gripped my throat, I quickly opened my eyes just to notice that I was alone for the very 1st time with miles apart from my parents, that’s when all my wandering senses flooded back!
In a minute I heard a dulcet voice asking what food I wanted to eat, my voice was numb with shock, however, my fingers pointed towards what I wanted.
[I believe I chose salad, rice with soya chunks during my 1st meal, I don’t remember exactly]
I couldn’t eat then, that’s when I realized that I bit off more than I could chew, you know what I mean😉
[Although I ate my later meals well :D]
The only question that pricked my mind then was:
“Ayyaaaaaa, who will pamper me like this now!”
Forget about pampering, there’s no one around that even acknowledged my existence, lol.
That’s how my emotions retrieved their awareness while trying to flee from love during the 17-hour journey, but nope, I couldn’t avoid it, there’s love ALL OVER.
However, this roller coaster didn’t last long.
Well, I know I know there are millions out there with more or less the same story. Kudos to all those who went through this phase and now recapping those early days AND Smiling 😊
Thanks a ton for reading : )